My wife and I are growing spiritually at different speeds, and some of the things she chooses to do don't match up to the Bible, and I don't agree with these choices.  How should I address these things without upsetting her and stay true to the Word of God and be the spiritual leader of my wife and kids?

Sincerely,
Hesitant Husband

Dear Hesitant Husband,

No two people ever grow at the same rate… nor do they grow in the same areas.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and those differences are especially pronounced between men and women.  You have two principles to balance:

1. God says to deal with your wife in an understanding way because she is different than you, and yet, also an equal heir of eternity (1 Pet 3:7).  You aren’t perfect, and neither is she.  Women tend to be weak in areas that men are strong and vise-versa.  Your job as her husband and brother in Christ is to strengthen her, not crush her.
2. You are the spiritual head of your household and must set the tone and direction for your family (1 Tim 3:12).  It is up to you to define your family’s character and lead the way.  Many families fail and crumble because men are apathetic and lazy in this area.  If your wife is making definite choices that are unwise or harmful to the family’s spiritual health, you have a responsibility to address it.

When we compare these two principles, it becomes clear that a husband should address spiritual concerns within his family, but how he does it makes all the difference.  Col 3:19 says that husbands shouldn’t be harsh with their wives.  That is what you must balance.  Don’t nitpick every choice she makes or speak unkindly/condescendingly – that is what harshness looks like.  Give her the benefit of the doubt and discuss these issues (whatever they might be) with your wife.  After all, you both want the same thing.

     I have been dating my girlfriend for about sixteen months now.  I am at the point in the relationship when I feel that she could help me pay for meals, etc. every now and then.  I don't want to be a cheap guy, but more than anything, I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work for my money, and we are a team.  I truly believe that the male should pay early in the relationship for everything, but after a while, should there be a 4:1 ratio?

Sincerely,
Doing The Math

Dear Doing The Math,

Being a team doesn’t require her to help pay or not help pay.  Let’s start by saying that there isn’t a sin in this issue.  Whether a courting couple splits the bill or not is of no consequence spiritually one way or the other.  However, your question brings up a bigger issue.

In today’s world of “gender equality”, the picture of what a marital (or in your case, pre-marital) team looks like has been lost.  1 Tim 5:8 and Tit 2:4-5 make it clear that a husband’s primary responsibility is to work to provide for the family, and the wife’s primary responsibility is to work at home to nurture and be the heart of the home.  We emphasize primary because the Bible doesn’t condemn women working (Pr 31:16), and there is no doubt that men must also be actively involved in the family (1 Tim 3:12)… however, that doesn’t change the fact that the male and female roles are distinctly different.

Your issue isn’t with the money; it is that you feel underappreciated for your role.  As you said, “I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work…”  This is a great opportunity to discuss with your girlfriend a fundamental Christian concept – what does a biblical relationship look like?  These are exactly the types of conversations that courting is designed for.  Our guess is that by having the conversation, you will find the appreciation you are looking for because you will understand each other better.  After all, wisdom belongs to him who has understanding (Pr 10:13).

     Lately, I have had different Jehovah Witnesses coming to my door, and they seem to want to come in, but I do not let them; I just take their books.  I do not like being unkind.  Is this wrong, or should I invite them in?  I really do not know what they believe; they say they are Christians, too.  Is that so?

Sincerely,
Feeling Inhospitable

Dear Feeling Inhospitable,

Jehovah’s Witnesses say that they are Christians, but they don’t follow the Bible.  They don’t believe that Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit are all deity, they don’t believe that everyone will go to heaven (they only believe that 144,000 people get to go), they only use their own “personal” translation of the Bible which conveniently alters verses that don’t agree with their beliefs, they also believe that their organization (the Watchtower Society) is made up of prophets that are directly inspired by God, and that you can’t understand the Bible unless their prophets “interpret” it for you.  These are just a few things that clearly separate the Jehovah’s Witnesses from Christianity.

Whether or not you study with them when they come to your door is up to you.  If you feel comfortable teaching them and think that you might be able to bring them around to Christ – go right ahead.  However, if you find (like we have) that they aren’t interested in honestly studying the subject but are just trying to indoctrinate you… there is nothing wrong with politely, but firmly, saying, “No, thanks.”

     What does it mean when God comes into your mind and thoughts?

Sincerely,
Thinking

Dear Thinking,

It depends on what you mean by “God comes into your mind…”  If what you mean by that statement is that you begin thinking about God, then it means that you are doing a good thing!  It is a wonderful thing when people dwell upon God, the Bible, and every good and pure thing (Php 4:8).  That is how we renew our minds, so we become the people we ought (Rom 12:2).

On the other hand, if what you mean by that statement is that you believe God is controlling your mind directly from heaven… that is an entirely different subject.  The days of dreams, visions, and prophecy have passed.  In the past, God spoke to various people through dreams, visions, and prophecy, but today He speaks to us through His Son, Jesus Christ (Heb 1:1-2).  Now that we have the complete and perfect Bible, there is no need for God to give people individual, divine messages.  It is through the Word of God that we learn how to live faithfully (Rom 10:17).  God simply doesn’t directly speak to us anymore.

     Understanding the Godhead seems to be somewhat confusing, and I am wondering when I am explaining something to my child, and he always says, “Jesus did this” or “Jesus did that”, do I just leave it at that, or do I also need to clarify that it is from God as well?

Sincerely,
Mom The Educator

Dear Mom The Educator,

Understanding the different roles of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit is a difficult concept for most adults to grasp, so it isn’t surprising that children struggle with it as well.  The Bible says that parents are to “nurture” their children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4).  Nurturing is a process that takes time.  As we train our children (Pr 22:6), we start with simple concepts and work toward more complicated ones.  If you have a young child, it is wonderful that they simply are thinking about Jesus and spiritual things.  As they grow older, you try and teach them more complicated concepts as it seems appropriate.

In short, it is a process.  Don’t feel a need to correct your child when they give Jesus credit.  They aren’t wrong; they just have more to learn.