I fell in love with my best friend, and we had sex once.  We were dating, and then she said she couldn’t have a sexual relationship with a woman; it’s against her beliefs.  We are the same sex.  Now she’s not talking to me but says she does love me.  I’m praying for God to bring her back in my life as my friend, but if she wants it to be more, that would be her choice.  Will she change her mind and still be my friend?

Sincerely,
Abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

We can’t tell you whether or not she will change her mind and be your friend again, but if we were advising you both, we would advise against a friendship after the trouble it has created for you.

God makes it clear that homosexual relationships are sinful (Rom 1:26-27).  The right thing to do is exactly what your friend did – flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  We are sorry you have lost a friend, but better to lose a friendship and start down a better path than to go to hell together (Matt 18:8).

     I have been dating my girlfriend for about sixteen months now.  I am at the point in the relationship when I feel that she could help me pay for meals, etc. every now and then.  I don't want to be a cheap guy, but more than anything, I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work for my money, and we are a team.  I truly believe that the male should pay early in the relationship for everything, but after a while, should there be a 4:1 ratio?

Sincerely,
Doing The Math

Dear Doing The Math,

Being a team doesn’t require her to help pay or not help pay.  Let’s start by saying that there isn’t a sin in this issue.  Whether a courting couple splits the bill or not is of no consequence spiritually one way or the other.  However, your question brings up a bigger issue.

In today’s world of “gender equality”, the picture of what a marital (or in your case, pre-marital) team looks like has been lost.  1 Tim 5:8 and Tit 2:4-5 make it clear that a husband’s primary responsibility is to work to provide for the family, and the wife’s primary responsibility is to work at home to nurture and be the heart of the home.  We emphasize primary because the Bible doesn’t condemn women working (Pr 31:16), and there is no doubt that men must also be actively involved in the family (1 Tim 3:12)… however, that doesn’t change the fact that the male and female roles are distinctly different.

Your issue isn’t with the money; it is that you feel underappreciated for your role.  As you said, “I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work…”  This is a great opportunity to discuss with your girlfriend a fundamental Christian concept – what does a biblical relationship look like?  These are exactly the types of conversations that courting is designed for.  Our guess is that by having the conversation, you will find the appreciation you are looking for because you will understand each other better.  After all, wisdom belongs to him who has understanding (Pr 10:13).

     This girl and I have been dating for almost eight months, and we truly believe with all our hearts that we are meant for each other; we've even had dreams about each other with kids, too, but her parents won’t give us permission to be together, and her sister is even telling us we’re wrong, but she stared dating even younger than us.  The thing is, my girl is scared of getting in trouble.  What do we do?

Sincerely,
The Guy

Dear The Guy,

The right thing to do is probably not what you want to hear.  Col 3:20 says that it brings joy to God when children obey their parents… that is what you should do.  As much as it may be painfully difficult for you two to put your dating and family plans on hold, the right thing to do is to respect her parents’ wishes.

Eph 6:1-3 says that God blesses children when they obey their parents.  That means that even if her parents are making the wrong call, you will be blessed by honoring them.  God causes all things to work together for good (Rom 8:28), and when you do the hard thing, it inevitably turns out better in the long run.

It sounds like you are surrounded by people that you disagree with, but these people still care about you and have your best interests at heart.  Parents and children don’t always see eye-to-eye, so it is an act of faith for children to obey their parents even when they disagree.  God will bless you both if you show patience.  After all, “not now” isn’t the same as “not ever”.

     Is it okay to date a married man if he is in the process of a divorce?

Sincerely,
Interested Party

Dear Interested Party,

He is married.  Married people don’t date anyone but their spouses.  No matter how close he might be to a divorce, or how serious the separation is – he is still married.

Though it is unlikely that he will reconcile with his spouse if he is filing for divorce, he is still married.  If you begin dating, you will be dating a married man.  That looks bad to everyone else, thus tainting your relationship in the eyes of others (Rom 12:17).  Furthermore, it doesn’t just look bad – it is bad.

All of this makes it wrong even without addressing questions like why he is getting divorced, if it’s scriptural, etc.  The fact is that even without those issues, now is not a time to be starting a new relationship.  God designed a husband and wife to work through their marriage problems together (1 Cor 7:10-11)… until those problems are resolved (either by reconciliation or scriptural divorce), he is committed to that relationship.  With all that turmoil involved in divorce, his life and mind are not in a good position to be entering the dating world even if it were appropriate.  Since you truly care for this man, the greatest gift you can give him is to step away and let him get things in order.