I was wondering: if I stay with a man, and we sleep in the same bed but do not have sex, is that fornication?

Sincerely,
Super Sleepy

Dear Super Sleepy,

Would you be okay with your daughter doing that?!  Christianity isn’t about how close we can get to sin, it is about living lives that are striving for purity in all areas (Rom 6:1-2, Jas 4:8).  God commands us to “flee fornication” (1 Cor 6:18).  Sleeping in the same bed as a man that you are not married to is not “fleeing” by any stretch of the imagination.

When we play with fire, we tend to get burned.  Sleeping in the same bed is dangerous, bad for your reputation (1 Tim 6:14), not honorable in the sight of man (Rom 12:17), and sets your relationship up for failure because it will be built upon physical intimacy instead of one another’s character (1 Pet 3:4).  If this man truly cares about you – he will happily wait for that level of intimacy until you are married (1 Cor 7:2).

Christian teenagers dating unbelievers: is it a sin?

Sincerely,
What About THAT One?

Dear What About THAT One,

Christians should only marry christians (1 Cor 7:39).  The Scriptures make that concept very clear.  However, whom someone dates is a much grayer area.  Even the term ‘date’ is vague.  Sometimes that word is used to express ‘an informal social engagement’, and sometimes it means ‘a close and meaningful long-term romantic relationship’.  The more intimate and close the relationship is, the more important it is that the two people have the same values.  Since christians should marry christians, it only makes sense that people would make sure they had the same values before the relationship became very serious.

I hear that 50% of pastors agree with living together before marriage; does that mean living together and being celibate?

Sincerely,
Data Digger

Dear Data Digger,

We cannot speak to what various religious leaders mean by “living together”, but we can say that it is wrong to live together before marriage… celibate or not.  The Bible’s teachings on that subject are very clear.  It is fornication to sleep with someone you aren’t married to (1 Thess 4:3).  Furthermore, it is a sin to do anything that has the appearance of evil – such as living with someone you aren’t married to (1 Thess 5:22).  On top of that, we are taught to flee from fornication; we should never put ourselves in a position that makes it easy to make the wrong choices (1 Cor 6:18).  The Biblical pattern is very clear – marriage is when a man and a woman should start their own household together (Mk 10:7).

Does the Bible support courtship?

Sincerely,
Looking For A Verdict

Dear Looking For A Verdict,

The dictionary defines ‘courtship’ as ‘a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage’.  Using that definition, the Bible highly supports courtship.  All positive Biblical examples of men and women in romantic relationships include a view towards marriage.  God doesn’t intend for people to be romantically involved without also being maritally minded.  The entire book of Song of Solomon addresses the romantic relationships between men and women… and marriage is the long-term outlook.

There are many different views on what courtship should look like (and that is in the realm of opinion, not Biblical insight), but the general principle of viewing all romantic relationships as an attempt at finding your lifelong mate is definitely appropriate.  Unlike the prevalent worldview that teaches us to focus on the physical side of the opposite gender, the Bible teaches that we should seek to know the inner character of someone we would like to build a life with (1 Pet 3:3-4).  Men are to treat women as they would want their sisters treated, and women are to treat men as they would have their brothers treated (1 Tim 5:2).  Romantic relationships are designed to help us find that one person that we will “leave and cleave” with to start our own family (Eph 5:31).

I am in a relationship with a guy who has a child from a previous relationship. He was never married to this person.  He has asked God for forgiveness and sets a great christian example for his daughter.  My question is: is it okay for me to be in this relationship being that he had a child out of wedlock (although he has asked for forgiveness), or is this something that God frowns upon?

Sincerely,
Marriage Material?

Dear Marriage Material,

Yes, it was a sin for him to have a child outside of marriage (1 Thess 4:3-4).  Yes, a christian can be forgiven of that sin (1 Jn 1:9).  Yes, it is okay for you to date and, if you desire, eventually marry him.  Sin is a horrible thing, but if you couldn’t date people who have sin in their past… you couldn’t date anyone (Rom 3:23).

The key is to make sure that you, and he, are using the Bible as the guide to your life now.  God deeply loves every human being and rejoices over each sinner that repents and turns back to Him (Lk 15:7).