Hi.  I am twenty-nine years old and interested in a girl.  Problem is, she was once married, and her husband left her for another girl.  She said she doesn’t care if she ever steps into a church again.  To the best of my knowledge (although I read and look for answers for life in the Bible every day), I cannot get involved with her unless her husband dies.  Where do I go with this?  Is it a sure no-go thing?

 

Sincerely,
Love From Afar

Dear Love From Afar,

She had every right to get a divorce because he left her and committed adultery (Matt 5:32)… but her eligibility is only one of the things you should be concerned about.

You mentioned that she isn’t interested in religion.  You do not want to pursue a relationship with someone who is unwilling to serve Christ.  God warns against becoming tied to a mate whose values don’t equal yours (2 Cor 6:14).  When a christian looks for a spouse, they should search for someone they can marry “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  There is nothing wrong with building a friendship with this woman, but before it gets too close, make sure that your values match.  You will spend a lifetime with your spouse, but your relationship with the Lord will affect your eternity (Matt 16:26).

I am seeing a guy who has been married before.  His wife was unfaithful, and they divorced.  My mother is not supportive whatsoever because of the fact that God hates divorce.  But from reading, I understand that God permits him to remarry.  Am I correct?

Sincerely,
Cautious Courting

Dear Cautious Courting,

God absolutely hates divorce, but your boyfriend had every right to get a divorce.  Mal 2:16 makes it clear that God finds no pleasure in divorce.  Every divorce that has ever occurred has been caused by sin.  Divorce destroys families, hurts countless people, and leaves people with years of emotional damage.  God never intended for husbands and wives to split (Gen 2:24).

However, God does allow for divorce when fornication has occurred (Matt 19:9).  Your boyfriend had every right to divorce his spouse because fornication hardens the hearts in the marriage (Matt 19:8).  Your boyfriend is free to remarry.

I am a teenager, and I believe that I am in love with my boyfriend. Because I am religious, my boyfriend understands that I cannot have sex until marriage, and he respects that.  But I have a question about what we are allowed to do.  We kiss and hug.  But sometimes, we perform sexual acts, such as touching and rubbing.  I am not sure if such acts are sinful.  I am worried about committing something bad that I am unaware of.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Hands Off?

Dear Hands Off,

There is a difference between romantic acts and sexual acts… and sexual acts are for marriage only.  There is a line between a gentle kiss of affection and a lustful kiss of sexual appetite.  Until marriage, it is important that you and your boyfriend avoid lustful situations altogether.  Paul told Timothy to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22), and 1 Thess 4:5 warns against the “passions of lust”.  Don’t defile the beauty of the marriage bed (Heb 13:4) by jumping into lustful activities before your vows.  The reason you are so worried is because you know what a dangerous and emotional game you and your boyfriend are caught up in.  You are playing with fire.  If you do get married, there will be many blissful and happy years to enjoy each others’ physical attentions… and if he isn’t the one, you won’t later regret keeping yourself pure for your husband.

I am fifty-two-years-old and have met someone.  We were both in previous long-term relationships.  We have been very good friends for about four years and started dating about four weeks ago.  Her relationship was for fifteen years in which she and he had lived together but never married.  She now has concerns about pre-marital sex in our relationship.  She feels strongly that it is immoral.  I believe in God but do not attend church.  I don’t understand why there seems to be a double standard.  Advice?

Sincerely,
A New Flame

Dear A New Flame,

Regardless of what this woman’s previous lifestyle was, sexual relations outside of marriage are wrong (1 Cor 7:2).  There is a double standard – her previous standard and her current standard… which is the right one.  We will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she has repented for the previous fifteen years of sinful living and has faithfully decided to flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).

You state that you “believe in God, but do not attend church”.  Do you believe in the Bible?  Do you believe the Bible is God’s Word?  If the Bible is God’s Word, then you need to be attending a faithful church (Heb 10:24-25).  These are questions that are very important to answer because they will affect your eternal existence.  We recommend you read through some of the posts in our EVIDENCES category in the archives.  There is immense evidence that God wrote the Bible, that we must obey the Bible in order to go to heaven, and that hell is a very real and terrifying place.  You have done well in believing in God, and we urge you to not stop there.

I recently had sex without being married.  Can I be forgiven, and will I still go to heaven?

Sincerely,
Worried

Dear Worried,

Yes, you can be forgiven… but you need to change your lifestyle.  For a christian to be forgiven of a sin, they need to confess their sins (1 Jn 1:8-10) and then repent (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repent’ means ‘to change your mind’.  Part of true repentance is fleeing from future fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  You need to make sure that this single act doesn’t become a lifestyle.  Sincere confession and repentance are all that a christian needs to do to receive forgiveness – however, if you are not yet a christian, you also need to be baptized to receive salvation (1 Pet 3:21, Mk 16:16, Acts 2:38).  If you would like help finding a faithful church to attend where you can start a new life with the hope of heaven, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will help you locate a group of God-fearing believers in your area.