(The following is a follow-up to Preying Preacher)

He says the Lord gave him a dream about me, and the Lord put us together; he has been a preacher for ten years… so he says.  I do love him, but I don’t know what to think.

Sincerely,
In A Trap?

Dear In A Trap,

Anyone that tells you that they have had a vision from the Lord is lying to you.  1 Cor 13:8-10 says that all prophecy and visions have ceased now that we have the perfect Bible.  We have written on this topic extensively in “Three Cheers For Miracles” and “I Dreamed A Dream”.  You are being deceived into leading a sinful life.  This preacher is a charlatan and is wickedly conning you into a lascivious relationship.  No matter what he says, you must leave this relationship and never look back.  Sin is sin, no matter how he makes you feel.

Is it right for a married woman and a divorced preacher to be together?  The preacher says that they were put together even though the woman was and still is married.  They’ve been together six months.  Her divorce comes up May 4th.  The preacher is divorced because his ex-wife committed adultery more than once… what to do?  Just want to do God’s will and live right.  Help.

Sincerely,
Spectator

Dear Spectator,

If the woman is married – she needs to stay away from this preacher and any other man other than her husband (1 Cor 7:2).  It seems pretty clear that this preacher isn't paying attention to Scriptures if he is dating a married woman.  Even if she is currently separated from her husband... she is still married and should be trying to reconcile if at all possible (1 Cor 7:10-11).  This is not a man of God and not the kind of man she should be involved with.  In our experience, these types of men prey upon vulnerable women and use God's word as a veil for deceit and lust.  Remember that the devil's workmen disguise themselves as servants of light (2 Cor 11:14-15).

I have a friend at work that is having "cyber" sex relationships online.  And he has a wife; would you consider him cheating on his wife; is that adultery or some form of adultery?  Also, are we sinning by listening to him tell us these stories?  What advice should we give him?  We already told him that he should not be on that website because it might get out of hand.  Please help.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Concerned Employee

Dear Concerned Employee,

Yes, what this man is doing is a sin.  Jesus says that we commit adultery in our heart when we lust after a woman that is not our wife (Matt 5:28).  There is debate over whether or not what your friend is doing is at a level that can be deemed fornication… but there is no doubt that it is wrong.  Any man that has started a second life (ironically, the same name as the game) in order to pursue illicit relationships is living a very ungodly and harmful lifestyle.

The Scriptures teach that the best thing you can do is to rebuke him privately in hopes that you can win him back (Matt 18:15), but ultimately, you cannot continue to encourage this horrible behavior by listening to him recount his sinful experiences.  Continuing in your current pattern will corrupt you (1 Cor 15:33), and it will continue to feed the flame of his bad choices.  In the end, you are doing him more good by rebuking him than by continuing to flatter him by giving ear to his escapades (Pr 28:23).

I am very confused right now.  I know that God wants us to marry if we are to be in a sexual relationship with someone.  My circumstances are different.  I have a child from a previous relationship, and nearly five years later, I met a man whom I fell in love with.  We had a child, and, of course, this made things bad; we separated.  Now I am really trying to learn God’s way and obedience; my sisters tell me that God has someone special for me because they don't like the current man I am with, but then I have heard that you can't find the love from another human being and that you should be trying to find and keep with God.  Should I wait for this mystery man or not worry about it and try to start understanding more about God’s love?

Sincerely,
Looking For Love

Dear Looking For Love,

Before considering marrying someone, you need to know what God says on the subject.  There are many verses that address when you should get married and to whom you should marry.

1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, literally, a “’til death do us part” vow (Rom 7:2-3).  Anyone you consider marrying needs to be someone that you are willing to commit to and trust through all the trials of life.
2. Husbands are the head of the family (Eph 5:23).  Any man that you marry will lead you and your children by his example and decisions.  Ask yourself whether you trust him to make decisions in your best interest.  Will this man be a husband with a servant’s heart (Jhn 13:13-15) or a husband that rules with selfishness (Jas 3:14-16)?
3. Will He be a man of morality and character?  God tells us that we should only marry those that are “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  The reason for this is that marriage is the strongest bond with any human you will have in this life.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33), and faithful friends make us stronger (Eccl 4:9).  Anyone you marry needs to be someone who will draw you closer to God.
4. The emotion of passion is strong, but it is also fleeting.  True love is not just a feeling… but the choice to live unselfishly for one another (1 Cor 13:4-7).  Make your choice for a spouse based upon the choices he makes, not off of your emotions at the moment.  An emotional decision may very well get you into a marriage you will regret for a lifetime.

And when all is said and done: pray (1 Thess 5:17).  God blesses those that trust Him.

This is a follow-up question to (Etymological Enlightenment).

Then would it have been fine for me to have had a hundred sexual partners before I decided to settle down with one woman, since it’s not adultery?  It’s like there is no punishment for the sin of premarital sex in our modern society, but if I were to have been with one woman in my life and was married to her, and I then divorce her… the church condemns me for it???  But as I mentioned above, sex with a hundred women is okay so long as I wasn’t married to any of them?  That’s a church (people) being hypocritical I think!

Sincerely,
Sin Should Cost

Dear Sin Should Cost,

The Scriptures condemn both behaviors.  Both are equally wrong.  Divorce is wrong, and premarital sex is wrong.  We are not condemning one behavior more or less than the other.  Don't mistake us, both sins are equally wrong.  All sin is worthy of death (Rom 6:23) and can only be forgiven when we turn, repent, and choose a new life in Christ (Gal 2:20).