How do you know if you’re in love?

Sincerely,
Smitten

Dear Smitten,

The Bible never specifically addresses the issue of when people fall in love because that is something that naturally happens, and as the old saying goes, “When you know, you know”.  The only advice that the Bible gives regarding romantic love is to not force it.  Far too often, people are so desperate to be in love that they force themselves into unhealthy situations in the hopes that it will awaken love – the exact opposite of God’s advice (SS 2:7).

It is always worth remembering that even though attraction is foremost on the minds of many singles, what really matters is the quality and character of the person you are interested in.  What is their inner character like (1 Pet 3:4)?  Do they love the Lord more than all else (Matt 22:37)?  Are they honest in word and deed (1 Jn 3:18)?  These are the things that really matter.  When looking for love, look for it in the right places.  A godly mate will make you stronger, but an ungodly spouse will corrupt you (1 Cor 15:33).

I am a christian.  I was saved when I was a teenager, but I was never baptized.  Does this mean that I am going to go to hell?  Also, I am engaged, but my fiancé is Jewish.  Is this wrong?  We both believe in God. Would it be wrong for me to go to synagogue?  Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your answers.

Sincerely,
Preparing For The Future

Dear Preparing For The Future,

Let’s deal with the baptism question first.  Baptism is necessary for salvation.  The Bible teaches that when we believe and are baptized, we are saved (Mk 16:16).  Peter says that baptism saves us (1 Pet. 3:21), and Paul says that when we are immersed in baptism, we are buried with Christ and given a new life (Rom 6:1-3).  It is a wonderful thing that you believed in Christ as a teenager.  Without belief, baptism means nothing.  It is impossible to please God without faith (Heb 11:6).  However, biblical faith includes action (Jas 2:14-17, Jas 1:22).  Baptism is the first act of faith God requires of us, and it is baptism that removes our sins (Acts 2:38).  If you would like, we would be happy to get you in touch with someone in your area who could teach you further and, if you are ready, baptize you.  Simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if we can help.
Now let’s look at your engagement.  The Jewish religion does not believe and teach that Jesus is the Savior.  This is a very big problem.  The New Testament says that it is impossible to be saved without Jesus (Jhn 14:6).  The apostle John probably put it the bluntest when he said that any teacher that denies Jesus is a deceiver and enemy of God (2 Jn 1:7).  Modern Judaism is not a faithful religion.  God tells us to avoid marriages that will “unequally yoke” us (2 Cor 6:14).  Marriage is the most important and intimate relationship you will have on this planet.  If you aren’t worshipping the same God, your marriage will not work.  Even the wisest man in history, Solomon, found that his heart was turned from God because he married women that weren’t faithful (1 Kgs 11:4).  The Bible firmly warns against marrying non-christians.
We are sure that this information doesn’t make things easier for you, and it probably isn’t what you were hoping to hear, but we would rather tell you a painful truth than an easy lie.  We wish you the very best as you have some difficult decisions to consider.

I've been dating a Hindu woman for about eight months.  I have fallen in love with her.  I would love to marry her, as she would be a great wife.  However, she is not a christian.  Over the months, we have talked about religion, and she has shown some (a little) interest in Christianity.  I know only God can lead her to Christ, so this is the question I pose.  Is it selfish for me to pray for her to be lead to Christ, so I can be with her?  I feel this is a self-centered prayer because I want her to be saved because I want to be with her and have a Christ-centered relationship… and not really because of her salvation.  I feel guilty and very confused.  I have prayed about this for quite a while, and I hope you will be able to shed some light on this issue.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Praying To Propose

Dear Praying To Propose,

Why can’t you have both?  It is possible to pray for her conversion because you love her and want to marry her and so that she can go to heaven.  The two goals aren’t mutually exclusive.  In fact, we can’t think of a better win-win scenario.  God tells us to pray for the things we want but to also pray that His will be done (Matt 6:10, Jas 4:15).  In this case, you know that what you want is definitely the same as what God wants.  God wants everyone to be saved (Ezek 18:23).  Pray for her, be a good example, prepare ahead of time in your heart to never marry a non-christian, and be ready to answer her questions with logical Bible answers (1 Pet 3:15).  Hopefully, she has as honest a heart as you hope.

Hi.  I have this issue of feeling alone.  I'm twenty-six and male, and never have I once had a relationship with a woman.  I'm extremely lonely to the point where I would throw myself in a bad experience just to validate my existence.  I pray every night to God for help.  I usually get so lonely I end up committing sins like porn, masturbation, etc.  It's not because I want to; it’s because I do it out of habit from being alone for so long.  The longer I wait, the more I think my soul mate doesn't exist.  Every time I think I have a chance with someone, I always find out they’re in a relationship, etc.  I love God, and even with my flaws, God is with me.  It's just that I feel deep loneliness and a longing for companionship.

Sincerely,
Alone

Dear Alone,

You have eloquently articulated what is the root of your problem – loneliness.  Now it is time to take charge of your life and remove that loneliness.  When we desperately want a spouse, we can sometimes become myopic and forget that dating isn’t the only way to fill our lives with friendship.  The problem is loneliness; the solution is to get involved in peoples’ lives.  God tells us to replace bad habits with good ones (Lk 11:24-26).  By your own admission, you have the habit of being alone.  Get involved in the lives of others – go to church (we can help you find a faithful one in your area), socialize with people your age, hang out in public places like Starbucks instead of lingering alone at home, volunteer at local non-profit organizations like the food bank or the animal shelter.  In short, get out and get active.  You have no control over whether or not you are in a romantic relationship, but you have a great deal of control over how active your life is.

My husband had a stroke in 2005 and has been in a nursing home for three years.  I take good care of him and always will, but I need a life.  I’m so unhappy; I’m still young enough to have someone in my life.  I have met a wonderful man that I care about, but I don’t want to go to hell either.  Will God understand if I have this other man in my life?  I know I took my vows for in sickness and in health, and I will always be there, but I don’t want to be alone either.  Please help me in this matter.

Sincerely,
Almost A Widow

Dear Almost A Widow,

Every marriage begins with hopes and dreams for a wonderful and beautiful future, but unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way.  We are so very sorry for your husband’s sickness and the trials it has wrought for your marriage; we cannot imagine how difficult it has been.  However, you didn’t write to us for a listening ear – but for Bible answers.  As you said, your vows bind you to your husband through the good times and through the bad – til’ death do you part.  Those vows don’t go away just because things haven’t turned out as you both envisioned (Matt 5:37).  If you choose to begin a new romantic relationship, it is adultery… Romans 7:1-3 is very clear on that subject.  Your husband is alive, and you are still bound to him.  You are in our prayers during this very difficult time.