(This question is a follow-up to “The Last Straw”)

I read your answer to my question. Yes, he did put himself in bad company which put him in the position to do the things he did.  He sees his mistakes by befriending these people and wants to become friends with the Lord.  I believe people can put themselves in situations for which they later have to suffer the consequences... and the consequences of this are a loss of trust and respect from me that he will have to show and earn back.  I also think that God can take anything from a person if they allow Him in their heart, and I feel that he wants this to happen.  It says in the Bible that good things can come of evil; could it be that the evil that was done was meant for not only him but me to become better friends with God?  I mean, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect, but does this mean we should throw people away for a wrong doing?  Before we became engaged, we seemed to have the same values, but somewhere around these bad people, he got lost in it.  People lose sight of God and lose their relationship with Him, but these same people can find their way back, right?

Yes, he would have to show me he can be trusted and prove that he would do right, and this will take time.  I, myself, am a recovering addict, and for eighteen years now, with God’s help, I have never looked back.  Shouldn’t I at the least allow him the chance to prove he can be strong enough to allow God to help him do the same for him?  Sometimes people only learn and grow through mistakes.  Thank you very much for giving me some Scriptures to help me.  I sometimes have a hard time finding my answers, but I pray, and that is how I ended up finding this website.

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

There is nothing wrong with giving your fiancée a second chance as long as you realize the risk and the need to be careful before entering into marriage.  We do all make mistakes, and God constantly gives us second chances (Matt 18:21-22)… as long as you are aware that marriage isn’t a relationship that should begin until trust has been restored (remember, you know you can trust someone when their lifestyle has shown the fruits of change – Matt 7:16-20).  It is an admirable quality that you desire to help him and give him opportunity to start over.  It may very well be your kindness that helps him stay clean (Jas 5:20)… as long as you never forget that change is ultimately up to him (Php 2:12).

Is it a sin to be with my girlfriend if she does not believe in God?

Sincerely,
Faithful Boyfriend

Dear Faithful Boyfriend,

It isn't a sin for you to have a girlfriend who isn't a christian, but it is important that you make appropriate boundaries before progressing toward marriage.  The Bible teaches that we should only marry someone if they are in the Lord (1 Cor 7:39).  Marrying an unbeliever will tie you to someone who doesn't have the same values as you (2 Cor 6:14).  The progress of your relationship will eventually need to stall if she doesn't obey the gospel.  Religion is the most important factor in a marriage because it affects your morals, how you raise children, your finances, your hobbies, how you treat one another, and a thousand other elements of your future.  Be very careful when courting an unbeliever.

I have a friend, and her mother is for marriage immediately.  Meaning, if her daughters are having "relations" with a man, then they are required to marry him in her eyes... she believes that by marrying the man they sleep with, they might as well get married; it will look better in God's eyes.  For example, her daughter returned home from a year in rehab, and after a month home, her daughter met a man and started a relationship.  Her daughter then started staying out late with him, and within two months they were living together, and her mother told them to marry to make it right in God's eyes.  Four months later, they are now married.  I was taught that marriage is sacred and to only marry when you love the person and understand the commitment and are ready to take that step and be faithful for the rest of your life.  What does the Bible say about "when" to get married?  Is their mother wrong?  If so, how is she wrong?

Sincerely,
Timing Is Everything

Dear Timing Is Everything,

Their mother’s view is a lot better than just living in a sinful relationship.  People in romantic relationships have two options – marry or keep your hands off each other.  Marriage is a lifetime commitment (Rom 7:2).  God says that if two people are burning with passion for each other, it is better to marry than to sin (1 Cor 7:9).  Self-control is a highly prized virtue in God’s eyes (2 Pet 1:6), but if you are unable to show self-control, then it is better to get married.  No matter what, living together before marriage is fornication – it is a sin (1 Cor 6:18).  The only place for sex is within marriage (1 Cor 7:2).

Hello, my question is: what does the Bible say about marriages by the court and not in a church?  Does God see them the same?  IF a guy was once lost and got married in the court and is now pursuing a relationship with God and a relationship with me but hasn’t actually filed for divorce but has been separated for three years now... what do I do?  I’m lost....

Sincerely,
Off The Market?

Dear Off The Market,

This man is married – you shouldn’t be pursuing a relationship with him.  It is a common myth that a couple must be married in a church building in order for the marriage to be valid.  In reality, the Bible never gives a single example of someone getting married in a church building… church buildings as we know them didn’t really even exist in the days of the early church.  What matters is the marriage vow.  Marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman (Matt 5:33)… a solemn agreement recognized by God (Matt 19:4-6).  As you readily admit, this man is separated from his wife but still bound to her.  He is trying to have an adulterous relationship with you.  Honor his marriage and make it clear that you want nothing to do with defiling it (Heb 13:4).

Hi, I am a twenty-one-year-old English major; I have one more semester before I graduate.  My problem: I don't believe that romantic love exists.  I know there are others that think the same.  Most people think they are in love, but when something comes along and they break up, they find out it wasn't love or that they hate the person.  Relationships to me are pointless.  It's unnecessary stress; more than half of marriages end in divorce within the first two to five years.  I can be completely successful without someone.  I actually thought about caring for someone, tried, but couldn't.  Is there something wrong?  I'm in no way apathetic or whatever; I just don't put emotions into something that I feel isn't worth it.  I care about things.  Rarely have I been angry.  I've never been jealous.  I'm happy when I need to be happy.  I'm focused on graduating and getting the things I need done.  I get emotional over things such as when my grandfather died; I actually cried.  Am I incapable of caring about the one person that God may have sent for me to be in a romantic relationship with?

Sincerely,
Love Nausea

Dear Love Nausea,

Romantic love is a real thing, but it isn’t a necessity… and some people never get married.  The Bible dedicates an entire book of the Bible (Song of Solomon) to the subject of romantic love.  Marriage, when pursued by godly people, can be one of the most wonderful blessings on this planet.  After all, two are better than one (Eccl 4:9).  However, Christ made it clear that romantic love isn’t for everyone – some people were born without the desire for that type of relationship (Matt 19:12).  Paul wasn’t married and made it clear that he was able to serve the Lord more efficiently because of it (1 Cor 7:32-35).  You don’t have to pursue romantic love, and you are in now way “defective” if you aren’t interested in marriage.  We are all uniquely made by the Lord and have the freedom to serve Him through marriage or without it.  Don’t look down on those that pursue romance, and don’t feel bad about being different.