I have met a woman whom I've fallen in love with.  She has been separated from her husband (who committed several acts of adultery) for over a year and a half.  We wish to marry after the divorce is final; we are waiting on the last court date, which will make it final.  But both of us being believers, we are wanting to know if our relationship will be blessed by God, or are we adulterers ourselves in the eyes of God by starting a relationship before the divorce is final?  I'm good friends with her soon-to-be ex, and I know he has committed countless acts of sexual immorality with other women since they separated.  We both want to have a family appeasing to God, and she already has kids from him.  I guess it’s more of when is the divorce finalized in the eyes of God, so that she is free to find someone else?

Sincerely,
The Other Guy

Dear The Other Guy,

The Lord tells us to be above reproach (1 Tim 6:14) and to do what is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17)… being in a relationship with a woman who is still married (under any circumstances) violates those commands.  She has every right to divorce her husband (Matt 19:9), but until that divorce is final – she is married.  Therefore, if you are seeing her, then you are seeing another man’s wife.  Regardless of what may be in the future, that is the situation right now.  Each day has enough troubles of its own (Matt 6:34)… deal with tomorrow’s circumstances when they come.  Today, you need to keep your distance and show respect for her marriage, regardless of what duress it is under.

I have been talking to this guy for about seven months now.  We live in different cities.  I have fallen in love with him, and he has with me, too.  Here is the problem: he is married, but the two have never lived in the same house, shared debts, supported each other, and her family has him followed and is always putting him down.  Yes, they have had relations, and he wants a divorce but doesn't believe he has biblical grounds to do so.  Does he have grounds to divorce her and marry me (which is what he wants to do in his heart, but he is afraid that if we do, then we are committing adultery, but he already has done that in his heart and isn't sorry that he has fallen in love with me)?  I need help fast.

Sincerely,
Not His Wife

Dear Not His Wife,

He has absolutely no grounds to divorce her, and any level of romantic relationship that you two share is sinful and dangerous.  Regardless of the state of his marriage… he is married.  The fact that he has been rationalizing an extramarital affair for the last seven months hasn’t made it right.  It is important to realize that following your heart isn’t the same as doing the right thing (Pr 12:15).  In fact, doing the right thing is often a matter of doing the exact opposite of what we want to do (Matt 16:24).

If you choose to willfully sin, your soul is in eternal peril (Heb 10:26).  The best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to cut this relationship off.  There are many wonderful men in this world that you may pursue that won’t send you to hell.

I like this boy that is saved, and I have been wondering that if I love him now, will I still be in love with him while I'm in heaven?

Sincerely,
Big Crush

Dear Big Crush,

Romantic love, at least as we know it, will not exist in heaven.  Jesus says that there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).  Without marriage, there must be some sort of change in the relationships we have.  Love will certainly still exist once we enter the heavenly gates (1 Cor 13:8), but it will be different from what we have here.  Our relationships with others will change because we will change (1 Cor 15:51-52).

Two years ago, I was divorced from an abusive marriage.  I have been dating a christian man for about a year and a half.  I'm forty-six; he is fifty-three.  About six months, into our relationship we became intimate.  We have been having sex now for about a year.  We are very committed to each other (not sure about marriage).  He introduced me to a wonderful church, and I have become "spirit filled".  Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  Recently, I went through a class called "Freedom in Christ".  I had to ask forgiveness for my sexual immorality and pledge to myself and Christ that I will remain pure until marriage.  My boyfriend is in Alaska for two months; when he returns, how do I approach this?  What if he wants to end our relationship?  I had no problem jumping into the sack with him before he left, and now when he comes back, I don’t know how to approach this with him.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Fresh Start

Dear Fresh Start,

If in doubt, be honest.  You’ve made a decision to put Christ first in your life and are hoping that your boyfriend will respect that.  If he does, then you know what kind of man he is and can move forward in a moral courtship.  If he doesn’t respect that, he isn’t the kind of man the Lord would want you to be yoked to (2 Cor 6:14).  The truth has a freeing effect upon our lives (Jhn 8:32).  Be honest, be forthright, and be firm.  No matter what happens – fleeing sexual immorality is the right decision (1 Cor 6:18).  May you continue your journey to serve the Lord and seek truth (Eph 4:15); we applaud you for taking this very important step.

Hi, it's been a while since I've asked you a question.  I have had it in my conscience recently, something that I need to get off my chest.  I have recently been talking to an ex-girlfriend who I care about a lot.  We were together before I was saved, and I broke up with her for a couple of problems in me and us.  We moved really fast, and we had premarital sex.  This decision sparked selfish urges in me that originally started when I first saw porn magazines in middle school.  I had seen them from time to time, and the feelings grew because I was living in the world.  What we did put me over the edge, and I cheated on her; it was long distance.  She still doesn't know about it.

About seven months later, I broke up with her because I knew there was something wrong with me, and these urges couldn't be controlled by me alone.  I set a course to find God, and through many falls, I finally was saved.  Before I left her, I gave her a Bible and told her that I didn't feel comfortable with things we did and that I needed to leave her to find redemption.  She is living as a christian now but still young in the Word.  Through my years of experience, God has strengthened me not to fall and that  should confide in Jesus and my brothers for prayer and accountability.  We have recently started talking again, and I still see her as the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.

My question is: If I want to make it right and be with her, should I tell her all my secrets?  This is what I feel I'm led to do before I go any further with talking to her.

Sincerely,
A Lot Of Water Under The Bridge

Dear A Lot Of Water Under The Bridge,

You should be open with her about your past for two reasons:

1. Your conscience is bothering you about this, and you should always strive to have a pure conscience before God and man (1 Tim 3:9, 1 Tim 1:5).
2. God highly esteems honesty and truthfulness (Pr 24:26, Lk 8:15).

One of the hallmarks of a faithful life is the willingness to have our lives revealed by the light of truth (Jhn 3:19-21).  The truth always sets us free (Jhn 8:32).  You made it clear that you would like to see this relationship progress toward marriage someday.  Marriage is a commitment that makes your two lives into a shared existence (Eph 5:31).  Every healthy marriage is built upon Christ (Eph 5:23), love (Eph 5:28, 1 Cor 13:4-7), respect (Eph 5:33), and devotion (Eph 5:31, 1 Cor 7:33).  None of those things can properly exist with deception as the foundation.  It is better to tell the truth and lose her than to build a marriage upon lies (Pr 23:23).