I'm a christian woman in my late twenties, and I am unmarried.  In high school and college, I always seemed to be dumped by guys who went after the less moral girls.  Now, I'm wondering if my piousness was worth it.

Sincerely, Staring Down Thirty

Dear Staring Down Thirty,

Better to be single and going to heaven than married to an idiot who only was interested in you for your licentiousness. The reality of your situation is unfortunate. We live in an age where people are attracted to low moral standards in women. This means that good, faithful, pure women (such as yourself) get overlooked by much of the male population. Understandably, that same group of men is of an amazingly low quality, but that doesn’t remove the sting of rejection. Solomon said that he had seen people suffer for doing the right thing and prosper for doing the wrong thing (Eccl 7:15), but he’d choose morality anyway (Eccl 12:13). You have felt the bitter edge of religious suffering, but many treasures are stored in heaven for your faithfulness (Matt 6:20).

It is often difficult to be content in our circumstances when we wish they were different, and yet that is what God says we should do (Php 4:11). At thirty, your life is far from over! You have a reputation for righteousness, and that will serve you well (Pr 22:1). Pray about it, continue to serve God, put His will first, and you never know what tomorrow may bring (Matt 6:33-34). God promises that He will work all things together for good in your life (Rom 8:28).

My girlfriend is a fairly new christian. She is wonderful!!! How can I encourage her to pray more often and think more on godly things without pressuring her and pushing her away? It seems that I am always the one who is bringing those things up, and I don't want to force things on her.

Sincerely, Forcefully Concerned

Dear Forcefully Concerned,

Gentle patience is the key to helping her grow. Paul told the young Thessalonian church that he was as patient and gentle as a mother (1 Thess 2:7-8). Don’t expect her to know everything right away- nor to remember everything the first time she learns it. Christianity is a huge change in someone’s life, and everyone grows in different areas and at different paces. Kindness and brotherly love will work wonders in helping her grow (Rom 12:10). Make sure you remain a humble servant and not a condescending overlord (1 Pet 5:5)

After you have mentally prepared, make some consistent opportunities to talk about spiritual things. The church is told that consistency is a large part of what makes healthy christians (Heb. 10:24-25). Regular involvement in praying together, going to services together, etc. provides opportunity for dialogue. She needs to be taking Bible classes (so do you!), and committing to take some classes together will help her grow without placing undo pressure on her. Christian growth isn’t about speed… but endurance. Babies grow slowly and steadily; if they grew fast, it would be unhealthy! Talk to her about taking some useful ‘beginner’ Bible classes together, and she will start to grow from the milk of the Word (1 Pet 2:2).

I am reaching a point with my girlfriend where I am beginning to consider that she is ‘the one’ for me.  I really love her, and she challenges my faith and challenges me to be a better and more compassionate person.  I really think I want to marry her.  The problem is that she is Catholic (I am a christian).  We've talked about this and prayed over it, and we're both against converting because we know that we'd be doing it for the other person and not necessarily for faith.

Is this a problem?  What is the Bible's approach in regard to inter-faith marriages?

Sincerely, Future In The Balance

Dear Future In The Balance,

‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).

No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes for your marriage, and only one of them is good:

1. She eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
2. You eventually convert and obey the Catholic church, and you are both lost (BAD).
3. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and you no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
4. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before. Either she will eventually convert, or she won’t – getting married won’t increase the odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to the Catholic church vs. God’s church? What happens when she wants to put up Catholic emblems around the house? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39). If she really does love the Lord as much as she loves you, her honesty and humility will guide her to accept the truth. If not, you are both better off knowing before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

I'm getting to the age where I'm kind of interested in boys...at what age does the Bible say that it's okay to date?  Does it say?

Sincerely, Older By The Minute

Dear Older By The Minute,

No, the Bible doesn’t say how old you must be to date. The Bible does lay down principles regarding dating or courting. Take a look at our post on dating/courting to see more about that topic.

As far as age is concerned, the Bible doesn’t give a proper age. Everyone differs in maturity and readiness to begin looking for their future spouse. The first rule of thumb is to not rush it. Song of Solomon mentions quite a few times to not speed into the world of romance (Songs 2:7). Ecclesiastes says there is a time for love and to wait for that time (Eccl 3:8). Rushing into romance too early can be disastrous.

God puts children under the authority of parents for just such a reason. Eph 6:1-3 says there is a blessing when children obey their parents. Parents have a keen insight into their children and tend to know what is best for them. You would do well to talk to your parents about the subject (even though it may be difficult or embarrassing for you) and see what they have to say. Godly parents can really make a difference in preparing you for this new aspect of your life. Listen to them and you will be blessed.

My former girlfriend and I had premarital sex, and she broke up with me because of it.  She felt guilty and said she betrayed her faith.  We never had an in-depth conversation about her beliefs until this. She says there is no way we can redeem ourselves in God's eyes, so she broke up with me.  Doesn't God forgive us for our sins? Isn't it possible for us to have a strong, healthy relationship as long as we don't have intercourse again until marriage? I regret having sex now because it completely derailed our relationship.  I am prepared to work on starting a new relationship with her based on faith.  I believe it will help the both of us in the long run.

Sincerely, Wanting Another Chance

Dear Wanting Another Chance,

You were wrong in having sex before marriage. She is wrong that you can’t be redeemed and forgiven. You are right in wanting to start a new relationship based on faith.

Unfortunately, you have both learned the hard way that doing things without God can cause an immense amount of pain, trouble, guilt, shame, and suffering. Premarital sex isn’t all the ‘fun’ that our society pretends it to be.

I applaud your desire to start over with a new foundation to your relationship. That means starting over with a new foundation to your life. How important is it to you to serve Christ? Are you willing to do what He says (Jhn 15:14)?

Becoming a christian is a new life (Gal. 2:20) built around the concept that God knows best, and His Word (the Bible) will guide your life. You must be willing to repent of your old life (Acts 17:30), confess Him as Savior (Matt 10:32), and be baptized in His name (1 Pet 3:21). Once you are baptized, you will be forgiven of ALL your sins - including this one (Acts 2:38). At that point, you are ready to start growing in a new life lived by faith through His Word (Rom 10:17, 1 Pet 2:2).

I highly recommend that whether or not she takes you back, you seek out a congregation in your area that teaches these things. If it is important enough to do this with your girlfriend, it’s important enough to do by yourself. There are many denominations out there – don’t fall for them. You want to find a congregation that lives, breathes, sleeps, and eats Bible... a congregation that looks just like the ones you see in the New Testament. If you email us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, we would be happy to help you find such a congregation.