Why should I wait for sex?

Sincerely,
Just Askin’

Dear Just Askin’,

There are two ways to answer your question.  One way to answer your question would be to list the thousands of statistics that describe how much healthier of a lifestyle monogamy is.  We could explain the risks of promiscuity and the increased failure rate of relationships that pursue intimacy before marriage.  There are studies far and wide that prove the healthiest, happiest, and most well-adjusted relationships are monogamous relationships that wait until marriage… but that isn’t the way we are going to answer your question because as compelling as secular studies are, they aren’t nearly as compelling as the Bible.

The other way to answer your question is to tell you that God says sex outside of marriage is a sin and that we should flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  God designed that level of intimacy for marriage only (Eph 5:31).  Our Creator knows what is best for us, and His Bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin.  That is why you should wait.

My friend has a very religious mother, and she thinks she likes women.  She wanted to know if it is a sin to be homosexual.

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Yes, homosexuality is a sin… no matter what society teaches.  The Bible is very clear on the subject of homosexuality.  Homosexuality is a perversion of the relationship God intended between a man and a woman (Rom 1:26-27).  Openly accepted homosexual lifestyles are a sign that a society has deeply diverged from Bible principles (Jude 1:7).  Homosexual urges should be fought and controlled just like we should repress the desire to be violent and show the self-control to watch how we speak.  An actively homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.

This is a very controversial topic, so feel free not to answer if you see fit.  I don't believe homosexuality is right.   I feel it is sinful and wrong.  I was just wondering, as a religious official, what is your opinion?  And how could someone overcome such a battle?

Sincerely,
Taking A Stand

Dear Taking A Stand,

People may give mixed reviews on homosexuality, but the Bible is very clear – a homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.  Rom 1:27 makes it clear that homosexuality is one of the deepest forms of depravity in this life.  Jude 1:7 makes it clear that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because the people “went after strange flesh”, i.e. homosexual behavior.  From the beginning, God designed romantic and physical relationships to be between one man and one woman – for life (Matt 19:4-6).  Any other type of relationship is wrong.

Homosexuality is such a controversial issue because modern society teaches that people are born homosexual, but this simply isn’t true.  Nobody is forced to have a sinful homosexual relationship.  The argument of the homosexual community is that they are born desiring people of the same sex and that they have no choice.  That simply cannot be true.  God makes it clear that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able (1 Cor 10:13).  Even if someone is born with a predisposition toward homosexuality – they aren’t forced to act upon it.  We always have a choice.  There is always a way of escape from sin.  We often use 1 Cor 10:13 as a proof text that no one is born “gay”.
Homosexuality is like all other sins; we sin when we act upon the lust.  God does not tempt us to sin (Jas 1:13).  It is our own lusts that entice us to do the wrong thing (Jas 1:14-16).  One person has a tendency toward anger, another has a tendency toward alcoholism, and some may in fact have a tendency toward homosexuality – but that tendency does not force them to sin.  We need to put away all filthiness of the flesh and be doers of God’s Word (Jas 1:21-22).

If I watch a porn movie, could it keep me from going to heaven?

Sincerely,
Just One Viewing

Dear Just One Viewing,

Pornography is sinful, and it is popular because it is sinful.  Pornography is based upon lusting after people you aren’t married to (Matt 5:27-28).  Pornography is a lie that substitutes sexual fantasies for genuine marital love.  Pornography is wrong inside a marriage because it corrupts the marriage, and it is wrong outside of a marriage because it destroys any chance for healthy relationships.  Pornography is a sexual sin and can definitely keep you from going to heaven (1 Cor 6:9).  Furthermore, pornography has been found to be highly addictive – one viewing leads to another, leads to another, and eventually, your soul is capsized by this sin.

Hi.  I am single, and I am addicted to watching porn videos.  I was wondering if you had any tips for me.  I have tried to stop, but then I don’t know how to act, want to eat, or do anything.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Addicted

Dear Addicted,

We are told that a powerful tool in defeating sin is confessing our sins to one another (Jas 5:16).  Sin likes to be kept secret (Jhn 3:20), and bringing it to light by making it public goes a long way in defeating habitual sin.  A very popular way of getting this sort of accountability is by using accountability software that forwards your browsing history to a friend or trusted individual.  Companies like x3watch and CovenantEyes make accountability software, and many struggling pornography addicts have found it to make a huge difference.  If you want to defeat sin, you must expose it.  Confess your sin to others, and you will begin to see change.  It is time to get serious about removing this sin.  You know you are serious about defeating sin when you are willing to expose it at all costs.  That is the single most effective advice we could give you.  Some other details to consider:

1. Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  Stop spending time around others who are okay with this behavior and remove all illicit materials from your home.  Throwing away the pornography is a good first step to saving yourself from it (Matt 5:29)
2. Don’t give up.  A righteous man falls, but he keeps getting back up (Pr 24:16).  A failure doesn’t become permanent until you let it.  Keep trying.
3. Get help from others.  Trying to do things alone, especially when we’ve failed before, is just too hard.  We are stronger when we enlist the help of friends and family (Eccl 4:9-12).
4. Replace the bad habit with a good habit.  It isn’t enough to simply stop something; that void must be filled with something else that is positive (Lk 11:24-26).
5. Pray.  God blesses us when we turn to Him (Jas 5:16) and ask for forgiveness and help (Jas 1:5).

Now is your chance to start a new life free from this addictive slavery to pornography.  We would be happy to help you find a congregation in your area that can help you through this struggle and prepare you for a better and complete life in Christ.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if we can be of service.