How do you handle a spouse who finds it easier to demonize you rather than to turn to GOD, keep His commandments, and serve GOD?

Sincerely,
NO Longer Disrespected

Dear NO Longer Disrespected,

Christianity isn’t about handling others; it is about handling ourselves.  We cannot control the behavior of others; we can only control ourselves.  In a marriage, each spouse has a separate command.

If you are the husband, your command is to “love your wife” (Eph 5:28).  A husband is to love his wife as his own body regardless of whether she is being respectful and kind.  A husband’s love is not dependent upon a wife’s respect.  Biblical love (best described in 1 Cor 13:4-8) is a choice, not a feeling.  A loving husband chooses to do that which is in the best interest of his wife.  He is to seek to love his wife as Christ does the church (Eph 5:25).  A husband’s love is sacrificial; it is a gift he chooses to give unconditionally.

A wife is to respect her husband (Eph 5:24).  She shows him respect even if he doesn’t deserve that respect.  She chooses to let him lead the household regardless of whether he is good at it.  As long as his decisions do not force her to disobey God (Acts 5:29), she follows him.  She treats him as a man and honors him as head of the household even when he acts petty and small.  Her respect is unconditional.

Each spouse has their own job.  You cannot force the other spouse to behave one way or another, but you can gain them by your behavior (1 Pet 3:1).  We waste our energy when we try and control the actions of others.  You can only have success when you begin to mold your own soul.

I am a christian and so is my boyfriend of seventeen months, and the question I have is: when you’re in a relationship, do you have relationships with the opposite sex?  I say absolutely not, but my boyfriend feels there is nothing wrong with talking to a girl on the phone.  Why would one want to or have the need to speak to the opposite sex on the phone?  I am baffled by this; am I being a bad christian by not allowing this?  It appears that I don’t trust him, but I feel that talking on the phone with a friend could turn into more if allowed.  Your thoughts on this…

Sincerely,
On The Other Line

Dear On The Other Line,

If you are so concerned that a phone conversation will result in your boyfriend leaving you, you’ve got bigger problems than the phone.  The Bible points out that we will always have interactions with people of the opposite gender.  The key is to make sure those interactions are done in a way that is holy and blameless.  Paul told Timothy (who as a preacher would have had many interactions with women he was not married to) to treat “older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with all purity” (1 Tim 5:2).

Christians should interact with all people, male and female, in a way that is above reproach (1 Tim 6:14).  Living above reproach means that you are careful to act in a way that shows integrity and avoids all appearances of evil (1 Thess 5:22).  We must always be careful to act with propriety towards the opposite gender as we interact with those in the world and our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I currently work outside of the home, but many of my friends tell me that a christian woman cannot have a job.  Does God say that I have to be a stay-at-home mom?

Sincerely,
Overworked

Dear Overworked,

Being a stay-at-home mom is a job – a very important one – that shouldn’t be neglected.  The Bible never says that a woman can’t work outside the home; in fact, it gives many examples of faithful women working secular jobs.  Lydia was a seller of beautiful fabric (Acts 16:14).  The worthy woman of Proverbs 31 is depicted as buying and selling land (Pr 31:16).  The problem isn’t with women working outside of the home; it is when women neglect their homes and families.

God tells us that older women are to train younger women to be “workers at home”, “love their children”, and “love their husbands” (Tit 2:3-5).  Paul told Timothy that women are to “rule the household” (1 Tim 5:14).  Both of these verses indicate that women play a pivotal and central role in running the home.  As much as men are admonished to provide and lead their families, women are taught to not neglect the sphere of the home and family.  Pr 14:1 says that women should build their homes and invest effort and time into establishing those homes.

If a woman works outside of the home (which is perfectly scriptural), she must make sure that she does not neglect the home.  Proverbs 31 shows us what an important and wonderful job being a wife and a mother can be.  A woman who dedicates herself to her family will be pleasing to God, and her family will rise up and call her “blessed” (Pr 31:28-31).

Why can't women become preachers or lead songs for that matter? Would it be a sin?

Sincerely,
A Woman’s Role

Dear A Woman’s Role,

Women have a zillion different roles and responsibilities within the church; leading singing and preaching aren’t on the list. Women are not supposed to be in authority over men within the church (1 Tim 2:11-12). Men are supposed to lead the congregation in teaching and worship when the congregation assembles together (1 Cor 14:34-35). Women and men have equal value in God’s eyes (1 Pet 3:7), but their roles are different (1 Cor 11:8-10). Yes, it would be a sin for a woman to be a preacher. Society doesn’t like that statement, but the Bible makes it nonetheless.

Is it wrong to wear gold?  My grandma said it was in the Bible.

Sincerely, Girly Girl

Dear Girly Girl,

It isn’t a sin to wear gold; it is a sin to dress like a princess and act like an ogre. Make sure you clothe yourself with meekness and a quiet spirit (1 Pet 3:4-5) also. The verses that your grandmother referred to are 1 Pet 3:3 and 1 Tim 2:9. Both of these verses employ a grammatical term called an ‘ellipsis’. An ellipsis is when the writer leaves out a word in order to emphasize his point. In both of these verses, the apostles leave out the word ‘only’.

Both Paul and Peter are emphasizing how a woman shouldn’t wear fancy and expensive clothing, so she looks good on the outside while she is corrupt and ugly on the inside. What they meant is that women should not ‘only’ adorn themselves with braided hair, gold, pearls, and apparel. Otherwise, we would have to understand these verses to mean that women couldn’t braid their hair, wear gold and pearls, or even wear clothes! That certainly isn’t what God intended. What makes women beautiful isn’t the clothes that they wear - but the moral character inside of them.