My girlfriend and I are considering moving out together this summer; we aren't engaged yet but have talked about it, and we strongly feel that God has put us together.  We have been going to church a lot lately and trying to keep our life straight; we have never had sex and have agreed not to until we are married, and since we wouldn't be having sex, would it be a sin to live together?

Sincerely, Home Hunting

Dear Home Hunting,

Moving in together would be a sin as well as a temptation toward further sin. No matter how pure our intentions might be, two people of the opposite sex living together looks bad. Even if you weren’t actually sleeping together, nobody would believe you. God tells us to abstain from every form of evil (1 Thess 5:22). The word ‘form’ in that verse literally means “shape or appearance”. Christians need to not only avoid sin - but avoid looking like they are sinning. A boyfriend and girlfriend living together (no matter how chaste) looks like a sinful relationship. The Bible also tells us to do the things which are ‘honorable in the sight of all men’ (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). Consider what living together before marriage does to the honor of your girlfriend. God wants you to do what is in her best interest and uphold her reputation and honor.

Secondarily, the temptation to sleep together will certainly grow with living together. There is nothing abnormal about a man and a woman being strongly attracted to each other. God recognizes that young people naturally are inclined to burn with passion for the opposite sex (1 Cor 7:9). The key is to make sure you don’t put yourselves in a position that could compromise your integrity. We are to ‘flee fornication’ (1 Cor 6:18) and be wise as serpents in regard to righteousness (Matt 10:16). Don’t set yourselves up to sin.

The idea of living together before marriage is a modern one - not a Biblical one. Biblically speaking, if you aren’t ready to get married, you aren’t ready to live together. The deepest act of love you could show to your girlfriend would be to wait until you are ready for marriage.

What does the Bible say about two people sleeping in the same bed together if they aren't married but aren't having sex either?

Sincerely, Two In The Bed

Dear Two In The Bed,

If you are talking about two people of opposite gender who aren’t related to each other – you’ve got a problem. For the sake of brevity, I’m going to assume you aren’t talking about two brothers sharing a bed at Grandma’s house, or Great Aunt Bessie sharing a queen sized bed with Great Aunt Marge during a family reunion weekend. Everyone feels comfortable with those circumstances.

I’m guessing that you are asking whether or not two people who are of similar age and opposite gender can sleep (but not have intercourse) together. That situation isn’t honorable. God wants us to do that which is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). He also wants us to avoid all forms, which literally means ‘appearances’, of evil (1 Thess 5:22).

God tells us to treat young women as sisters and young men as brothers (1 Tim 5:1-2). Let me ask you...

1. Would you want a man sleeping in the same bed as your sister before they were married?
2. Would you advise your brother to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend before they were married?
3. Would you want your son or daughter to sleep in the same bed with someone before they were married?

The advice we would give to our children and siblings is the same advice we should take ourselves. Flee immorality (1 Cor 6:18) and don’t put yourself in that situation.

One of my friends just left her husband for another man.  It has become a big problem between us.  She said that their "attraction was too great to deny."  She has always been somewhat of a flirt.  She says that it's just her nature.  I don't understand!  Would God make someone to be a natural cheat?  If so, do I have a "nature" that would make me do something wrong?

Sincerely, Instinctively Angry

Dear Instinctively Angry,

Your friend is using an age-old excuse for sin. There is no such thing as an “attraction too great to deny”… just people who wish to follow their lusts instead of their morals. God specifically states that He doesn’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, and that there is ALWAYS a way of escape from sin (1 Cor 10:13).

We all have predispositions toward certain behaviors. Flirtatiousness, temper problems, laziness, depression, cowardliness, alcoholism, etc. are all temptations that pull stronger on some people than on others. You may never struggle with depression, but your temper may always be an issue for you. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, but simply a reality of life. Even as far back as Adam and Eve, God has not accepted excuses for sin (Gen 3:11-13). Your friend has chosen her own lusts over serving God. Instead of fighting against a predisposition towards flirtation, she succumbed to it. She had a choice, and she chose poorly (Gen 4:7).

Can a woman continue to teach a baptized christian boy after he is baptized?

Sincerely, Age Appropriate

Dear Age Appropriate,

Baptism doesn’t make you a man; it makes you a christian. The Scriptures are clear about a woman teaching a man – she can’t do it (1 Tim. 2:12). Your question doesn’t deal with a woman teaching a man. Instead, it is addressing when a male becomes a man. That issue is a much more difficult one because there is no exact answer. There are two parts to your question:

1. When do we recognize a boy as a man?
2. What should a congregation do in order to have harmony when a boy is baptized?

The first question is easily answered – I don’t know. The Scriptures never say. Society recognizes 18 as adult enough to be considered completely responsible for oneself. Even that is just an arbitrary number. In reality, every child matures at a different rate, and there is no magic moment of transition from childhood to adulthood. Everyone agrees a 10 year old is a child and a 20 year old is an adult, but it is the ages in between that leave us scratching our heads.

The second question is an issue of dealing with opinions. Realistically, when a young person is baptized, some will consider him or her an instant adult; others will recognize it as a decision that shows maturity but not adulthood. Consequently, in the case of a boy, a congregation will have some that feel he can no longer have a woman Bible class teacher, and others will think it is still appropriate. Both views are an opinion, and we can’t stand hard and fast on either view. Rom 14:13 says that in such cases, we should do whatever will not cause division or hurt anyone’s conscience. If the congregation is being torn apart by a woman teaching a newly baptized boy, put him in a different class with a male teacher. If a woman has been teaching him and no longer feels she can do it in clear conscience, she should be allowed to recuse herself as his teacher. No matter what, in issues of opinion, peace and edification should be sought above all else (Rom 14:19). Wisdom will have to be used to decide what is the best course in each circumstance.

What is the role of elders?  Can women be elders?  Why or why not?

Sincerely, Quality Control

Dear Quality Control,

Elders are the superintendents of a local congregation, and they are always men. The word elder is one title to describe the leaders of a local church. Other titles include 'overseer/bishop' (depending on translation – 1 Tim 3:1) and 'pastor' (Eph 4:11). The title of the job explains their role. They have the oversight of God’s people. That oversight only extends to one congregation (1 Pet 5:2), the local congregation that they are among. Each congregation has elders appointed in it (Acts 14:23).

Elders must meet strict requirements before they are appointed. Those qualifications can be found in 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9. Elders are always referred to by the pronouns 'he' and 'him' – thus making them men. Also, one of the qualifications is that they be 'a husband of one wife' (Titus 1:6) which makes it pretty clear we are talking about men. Elders also never serve alone.  All the churches in the Bible had multiple elders. Elders serve an important role of protecting, leading, and guiding the direction of a congregation. They will give an account for every christian in their congregation (Heb 13:17). A congregation should never take lightly the responsibility of appointing only completely qualified elders.